Saturday, 19 November 2016

Are you really living?

In the last 2 weeks two people I used to go to school with passed away. I saw them almost everyday for 10 years and now they're gone. I wasn't close to them at all and honestly I hadn't seen either of them since I moved schools but the news hit me hard. They're the same age as me and now they're just gone. 

I just turned 21 and I feel like my life is only just beginning. Before this point we're all pretty much told what to do, we have a routine set out for us and most of us follow it until we're done with education. So I feel this great sense of sadness for my old schoolmates who were just getting started with their lives before they were brutally cut short. 

Now a few months ago I loved nothing more than sitting...well lying in bed doing work, binge watching shows and just avoiding going outside. Then I started feeling this overwhelming fear of death. It sounds bizarre especially as this was before my classmates passed away but I was just scared my time would be cut short so I decided to actually start living. 

The last 3 or so months have been crazy. I've been saying yes to almost anything that comes my way and grabbing every opportunity by the horns. I used to SUCK at texting back friends and making plans but now you can guarantee a reply from me within 24 hours and actually see me at least once a month (at least I'm trying!!) 

Staying inside for more than one day now actually makes me feel anxious. I get the full blown mean reds (where my Breakfast at Tiffany's fans at?!) so that's why I'm hardly ever at home anymore. 

So what was the point of this post? Honestly I just wanted to get this out because it felt weird and I've never dealt with this emotion. I've experienced loss before but I was either too young to understand or it was my grandparents so it felt more natural. This's just scary. 

I hope this post hasn't totally bummed you out, I just needed to let this out and also I hope this reminds you to start living. Get out there and DO something. Don't leave things unsaid and don't let yourself have any regrets. 

Stay Luscious

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